The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment. Everything there was to do seemed like too much work. I would come home and I would see the red light flashing on my answering machine, and instead of being thrilled to hear from my friends, I would think, “What a lot of people that is to have to call back.” Or I would decide I should have lunch, and then I would think, but I’d have to get the food out and put it on a plate and cut it up and chew it and swallow it, and it felt to me like the Stations of the Cross.
And one of the things that often gets lost in discussions of depression is that you know it’s ridiculous. You know it’s ridiculous while you’re experiencing it. You know that most people manage to listen to their messages and eat lunch and organize themselves to take a shower and go out the front door and that it’s not a big deal, and yet you are nonetheless in its grip and you are unable to figure out any way around it.”
Is there an exotic for the native, a repository that holds collective
taboos made real and therefore to be conquered? Early morning thoughts on
Niggas start believing their own bullshit when they scream post-racial.
Django where you going, are you here for the option or the want?
I took off her member today, signature required of course. Pseudo penises
are included in exploitive practice. Safety word this time was yellow.
Takes a special case to write in the passive voice in your own journal.
I always wanted to create love from war, which is until I smelled my own
blood - instead I drink.
All acts eventually become milestones: crawling; walking; running; and
deception. Without instincts survival is deeply intimate.